You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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