officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
