nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
