meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
