At least make sure they are 18
Why
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
