I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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