A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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