and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
