He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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