so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
