how can u be prego again
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
