Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
