sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
