woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize