barbara walters just said penis...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
