I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize