Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
