He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
