Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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