I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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