I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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