i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
