if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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