I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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