I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
