I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize