i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
