i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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