Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
