Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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