i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
