i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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