i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
