Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize