Got a toothbrush?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize
