He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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