And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
