my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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