He told me they were just razor bumps!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
