my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
