im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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