I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
