id be glad to
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
