Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
