I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
