I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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