Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
