Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
