the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize