this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
