Apparently you make a good broom.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
