totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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