i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You're like the curious george of whores
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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