This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
