Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
