they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
