I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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