I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
