Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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