look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
