cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
