I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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