She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
