I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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