Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
