get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
