Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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