You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
