my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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