I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
