he told me I talked like a deaf person
do herpes really smell.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
