I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
