If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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