just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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