you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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