this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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