You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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