ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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