if i can run in heels then i can drive
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize