Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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