Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
