I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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