I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
