my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
