how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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