Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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