Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
