If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
