so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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