Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
