the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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