Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
