He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
