you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize