I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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