the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
