1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
