I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
