Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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