You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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