I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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